Interview 1: PTSD
Have you heard the term PTSD?
I have heard about it, but at first I thought it was something the people who go to war and see seriously gruesome things and go through horrible life experiences only get. I always thought people with PTSD shut down and go on autopilot and start reliving their trauma as if they were back in that situation and going through it again, sort of like on a loop. I now know that this is only one type of response that people can have, and that trauma can be caused because of almost anything that we think is negative in our lives.
What is trauma to you?
I’d like to think that I understand trauma better now. To me, it’s when someone perceives an event in their life as something truly negative and distressing. People can suffer through trauma because of a break up or even something as horrible and extreme as brutality and rape. From what I understand, the crux of it is perception and how you perceive whatever external event has happened.
Do you think something happens to a person when they suffer from trauma? Why?
I guess it is possible for people to undergo trauma without having any long-lasting symptoms, whether mental, emotional or physical. I also think this happens if people haven’t taken the time to grieve or cope with their situation properly. Personally, I know that if people don’t deal with their trauma, it can manifest in all kinds of bad ways, whether people getting into alcoholism, developing chronic anxiety disorders such as depression or panic disorder, or even seeing drastic changes in character and moods of people, like seeing social people go into shells or people with positive dispositions becoming extremely cynical and angry
Have you ever had any direct or indirect exposure to any sort of trauma?
Yes I have been directly exposed to trauma
Do you have any recurrent memories, traumatic nightmares, flashbacks about any event? If yes could you please elaborate
I used to; luckily they don’t happen much any more. I had developed insomnia, panic disorder and depression. At my worst, I would have panic attacks in quick succession that would make me black-out for hours. I weighed 45 kilos. I would go through full nights without sleeping, and eating only when someone would notice I haven’t eaten for a while and they would force me to. I didn’t leave my room for a month, staying in bed for days on end. I became scared of being out in public as I never knew when I may have to escape whatever situation I was in because of an oncoming panic attack (which, at the time, I didn’t know how to handle/curb)
Do you find that any of your answers to these questions, have previously impacted your relationships with other people? Could you please give an example?
Those who were close to me continued doing so and helping me as much as possible, but slowly started to get weary around me. I could tell how exhausting it was for them to be around me. People would watch what they said so that i wouldn’t get triggered into another attack. Other friends who weren’t as close to me started distancing themselves. I was always on edge, snapping at them and not being able to hold conversations or think clearly. I became extremely rude, often saying mean things that came to my mind.
Do you find it difficult to sleep or concentrate? According to you,what may be a cause for this?
Sleep had become a distant hope for me at best of times. I would exhaust myself by trying to be busy and active and exercise through the day. I’d hit my bed exhausted, but would not be able to fall asleep till the early hours in the morning, if at all. If I fell asleep, I would wake up in the middle of the night, at least once every hour. Now, if i’m not sleeping or eating properly, the ability to concentrate automatically gets eliminated, which is what happened to me as I nearly failed my midterm examinations in my last year of college.
Do you find yourself having diminished interest in activities you used to enjoy? If yes, could you please give an example of such.
I used to be extremely social; I’d love to go out with my friends, eating new foods and going to parties that would go on till late. All that stopped. I began to avoid anything that would make my heart race: I stopped drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes, drinking any kind of energy drink or drinking any kind of alcohol. I wouldn’t hang out with my friends at the bar after class. I’d go home for lunch so that no one would notice me skip it. I didn’t attend classes often either just to avoid people.
How would you feel if a psychologist told you, you suffered from PTSD? Would you feel this would impact other people’s perception of you?
So I reached a tipping point, after which I realised if I ever want to live normally again I will have to get help from a therapist. After some months, he explained that since I’ve had panic disorder for a while now, it is officially certified as “chronic”, and that its probably a trigger of PTSD. Since I’m the kind of person who always wants to understand “what and why”, he explained the science behind it to me - the heart rate, body heat concentration, personality change, situation-specific triggers, etc. I felt very guilty and weak at first, since my first perception of PTSD was that it was only experienced by people who had suffered from “serious” trauma. It took him (my therapist) a while to explain and make me understand that my trauma was legitimate. I was concerned that people would find out and think I’m weak. The worst was people thinking I’m “crazy”, because I genuinely believed that I was. The thought of being “crazy” was strong enough to trigger a panic attack in me almost every time, so it really didn’t take much to set me off.
If you knew someone who suffered from PTSD, how would you help them?
Thank (the metaphorical) God that I know better now. I would first explain about the benefits of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to the person suffering from it. Apparently it has some 60+% success rate for anxiety disorders. I would also explain to them about how to deal with their physiological responses (assuming they are able to and conscious while experiences their distress), which would be breathing into a paper bag or not breathing at all till their heart rate slows down (bloodstream gets over-oxygenated in fight or flight mode). I would also suggest they attempt to take themselves out of their own heads: maybe try to identify 5 things they can see, 5 things they can hear, 5 things they can feel, then 4 things they see, hear and feel, and so on…