Interview 8: Panic Disorder

Do you go to therapy?

No, I no longer visit a therapist . I currently do see a psychiatrist and I find that more helpful.

Which of these situations describe your experiences the best – did you have episodes that happened unexpectedly, happened in a situation that you strongly fear, or in a situation of real danger?

Usually I have episodes that happened unexpectedly, sometimes they are in school, sometimes when I am out, like at the mall or anywhere really. I know am never in any danger but I always feel like I might be.

Do you have a routine to calm yourself during a panic attack?

To calm down I talk to myself while I take deep breaths. I think I learnt this when I used to go for therapy and it’s always helped me.   

Do you take any medication? If yes, then how long has it been?

Yes, It has been about 6 months and it has really helped me cope. When I first started taking medicine, I reacted really really badly. I missed school, I felt terrible, I was a mess. So, I tried a different one and that’s what I’m currently on.

Did you often worry that you might have another episode?

Before, I always seemed to be worrying about having another episode. So to counter that I used to miss a lot of school and because of that, my grades started to fall.  I used to avoid going to the mall and tried my best to avoid school events. I always felt I might have an episode and wouldn’t be able to cope. Now that I know how to calm myself down, I no longer feel worried as much, but I still avoid certain things.

Did you often worry that something terrible might happen because of the episode(s), like having a car accident, having a heart attack, or losing control?

Usually when having an episode I cry and for me that is very very embarrassing. I find it difficult to distract myself and articulate what I am feeling. The fact that others can notice I am having an episode makes it worse.  When this is happening I worry that would not be able to control myself.

Have you changed your everyday activities because of the episode(s)?

I’ve been told that exercise is helpful to counter anxiety, you know because of the endorphins. So as I am a very lazy person, I force myself to go to the gym or get some version of exercise at least once a week. With the medication I am on, I react very badly to coffee and caffeinated beverages. So to avoid any sort of reaction I have completely cut coffee out of my diet.

Did you avoid certain situations because of fear about having another episode(s)?

I used to miss school a lot. As I spent most of my time in school, I had many episodes in school. After a while I found it incredibly difficult to come back to school because I had  built up this “threat” or “danger” in my head. I also used to avoid malls, because I never liked people so I thought that could potentially trigger an episode.

Have you adjusted your behavior in order to avoid situations where you fear you might have another attack?

No, I haven’t. I could never alter my behaviour in that moment. The only thing I would do due to my fear of another attack was avoid social situations like school or mall, which had a negative impact on my life.